Friday, 12 December 2014

Searching for Moments of Peace

It is hard to believe how fast a month goes by. It is still sinking in that this really is happening, that my Dad is gone and not ever coming back. There are hard days, wow are there hard days. The good days and moments of pure happiness are becoming more visible to me and I am so grateful for that. There are moments that I just stop and loose my breath. I suspect this will go on for a long, long time.

Christmas is coming, coming fast. I am excited because of Anna but there are plenty of moments of anger, anger that our lives will never be the same. That we are missing a huge part of our energy and dynamic. Anger and sadness that there will forever be an emptiness in our holidays and lives. I know that this is all part of the "process" but I find I get angry at the anger. What a mess.

I look for him, I look for him everywhere. I find that certain things catch my attention and when they do I feel a peace. I smile and say Hi Dad. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I just keep on smiling. There is just an emptiness, one I can't quite describe. Finding these small moments is such a blessing & I pray for them everyday. They help deal with that emptiness and I'll take all the help I can get.


Tiger said...

There are times I say something, and immediately think of my Dad (or Mom, or Oma!). That is the time they are the closest to us, so feel good about that Nadine. You will never forget him, and he will always be missed, but with time you will find a balance that will calm your soul and bring you peace. Keep talking about it, and keep remembering. Tell your stories as you remember them and be happy through your tears.

Kathleen Ruelling said...

Big, big hugs. I love Tiger's comment that when you think of someone, that is when they are closest to you - what a lovely thought!