Being an Auntie Rocks

Product: January Month Kit from Treasured Memories - Time to Shine

This sweet girl is one of my favorite human beings. Being her (and her brother's) Auntie is the best. The best! She is cheeky, impatient, funny, saucy and so very lovable. 

This past weekend we made a quick trip home to celebrate her second birthday. We ate amazing cake, made silly faces, watched her favorite show Paw Paw (Paw Patrol) and then headed back home. It can be hard when you live away from your family, you miss so many moments and chances to spend time building relationships. When I see her & her brother I do my best to remind them how much I love them (and how much fun I am). She still takes my hugs and crazy kisses, I have to torture them out of her brother but I think he might be playing me. It's ok, it just means I get to chase him around for a little bit longer. 

 

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

We love you so very much.

xoxo

♥

December Review

December has come & (almost) gone and it was a busy ride. It always amazes me just how much stuff we can cram into those short days. There were school concerts and parties. Afternoons for baking one too many batches of cookies. Late nights of wrapping and staring at the lights on the tree. There were moments of magic watching Anna's eyes light up. There were moments of complete quiet and lounging after all the hustle & bustle of opening gifts and eating had ended.  And then again there was more eating. There was movie marathons, outdoor holiday festivities, 2 hour waits to see Santa and Christmas Bureau deliveries. There was contest winning and lots of squealing. We chased Sun Dogs and waited for the clouds to part trying to get a peek at the Christmas moon. We spent time with family and found moments where we knew Dad was there with us and it made my heart feel light.

December you were good to us, thank you.

Scrapbooking & Loving It

We had family photos taken this year- instead of balancing my camera on a stand, on a stool and then propped up with a book (tell me you know what I'm talking about) -and I am so happy that we did. The pictures are amazing, the fall colours are beautiful and best of all there was no stress & I didn't have to boss anyone around. I got a few sneaks from Candace and sent them to the printer right away. I needed to see them in print and I needed to scrapbook them. When I was looking through my paper I knew that these papers from We R Memory Keepers were going to be perfect. The colors, the foliage, the pops of gold foil -love it!

product: paper & diecuts: We R Memory Keepers, foam words: American Crafts, & vellum: Webster's Pages

product: paper & diecuts: We R Memory Keepers, chipboard: American Crafts

Forward Momentum

Where do I start? 

Getting in here to write feels daunting.

 I feel like I have too much to say and nothing to say all at the same time.

I would tell someone else to just start. Pick something. Share a story. Share a picture. Share inspiration. Just start.

I will take my own advice and share this picture and start there. 

This fabulous family picture is from Thanksgiving. It took quite a few attempts but the end result is worth it. We all look good, we're all smiling and for the most part we are looking at the camera. It's hard however to look at  this photo without getting a lump in my throat. It's hard to look without staring at the missing person. I feel like there is a giant sign that hangs above and says "Dad should be here!" with an arrow pointing down.

We took a family photo at Christmas, like we always do, I couldn't even look at it. When it was given to me I turned it over, face down and put it somewhere. I have no idea where. I put it somewhere that didn't matter because I didn't want to see or accept that this is how our photos will look from now on. One man down. 

I felt a little lighter about this one. I love it. It's beautiful. Each one of these faces loved Dad.  Each one had a piece of their heart taken that day. Each of these faces miss him. When I see this photo I am so proud of these faces, including my own. Proud because we have woken up every day and moved forward. Whether it was many steps or just one, the momentum was forward.  When we feel the weight of grief push us to our knees we can all be proud that we stood back up on wobbly legs and pushed forward. It is all so raw still. It still stings. It still makes no sense, I suspect it never will. However,  I take comfort in seeing him in our smiles. And hearing him in our stories. And feeling him in the air around me. 

I miss you Dad. 

Saying Goodbye

Last Saturday my family gathered to say goodbye to my Grandpa. He past away on April 24 at the age of 92. He lived a long life that was full of trials I can't imagine but it was also full of so much happiness & so much love. He immigrated from Poland as a very young boy, he grew up & worked his finger to the bone. Giving and giving, helping to be a part of building our province. He worked hard until he could no longer give anymore. He married my Grandma almost 60 years ago, how amazing is that. 60 years. He raised 5 daughters, most likely the hardest work of his life. He had 10 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. 

Loosing him was hard, I cried and cried for loss. For death. For no more second chances. For no more "I should go before it's too late" trips. Death is final. I cried hard for my Dad, this all felt too soon, too much to deal with. I cried hard for my Mom, who too has no father now. 

As they opened the doors to carry my Grandpa to the hearse, it rained the prettiest rain. They stepped outside and the rain stopped. A good friend reminded me once that this rain is the angels sharing your grief. I smiled when I saw the rain. At the grave side service I was struck by a moment that was absolutely beautiful. The sky was black, all around us were black clouds that promised rain. There was a part in the center of those black clouds that allowed the sun to shine down onto us. As we stood there placing roses on his casket the warmth from the sun could be felt on our backs.  It shone like that until we all walked away, then the clouds closed and the rain came. I smiled again and said goodbye. 

Around Here

Date with Cory at Beer Revolution.Soft pretzels, peachy fuzz beers & sunshine. Wonderful.

Our fur babies, Hannah & Salem turned 14 this month. 

We bought them treats & toys to celebrate 14 years of cuddles, laughs & messes.

Anna and the neighbour girls have all met and are the best of friends. Her week was full of playing, playing & more playing. I barely saw her- it was incredibly strange. It was pretty great to hear them chat, pretend and tell stories. I definitely can do without the screaming from 4 little girls though! 

Working outside to keep an eye on the girls. Enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

Anna tried out a slip n' slide for the first time and it was a HUGE hit!

Practising yoga and loving this studio. Beautiful & peaceful.

Discovered why my celery may not be growing and checking daily on the progress of all our plants.

Got a surprise acupuncture treatment at work on Friday. I have tendinitis in both arms and this week I had a lot of pain in my right arm, I could hardly do anything with that hand so this was so wonderful. 

We went to my cousins wedding on Saturday and it was at my Grandparent's farm (my dad's side). This is the house that my Baba and Gido lived in with my Grandpa Wolansky. It was built in the early 1900's. 

Found some surprise pictures on my phone that made my heart happy.

Thank you Cory for capturing this. Happy heart.

We left teh brunch reception to drive to the next town to visit my Grandma Hocko (my mom's mom). She and Anna found an old bag of plastic animals and they spent a lot of time talking and organizing. 

More happy heart.

Life Lessons From Baba while driving her home. "Finders keepers, losers weepers."

Catching the most amazing sunset on the way home. 

The picture doesn't do that many shades of pink and purple justice.

Celebrating 60 Years

This past weekend we celebrated my Dad's 60th birthday & Father's Day! How grateful are we that he is here and he is healthy and happy! I love him, his smile and how amazing he is with his Grand-babies! Anna talks about him all the time and often will use him as an escape- "Papa said I could do that." He really is the Best Papa ever! Happy Birthday Dad- you're rocking that crown!

Layout Love Tuesday

Product: pattern paper: Pink Paislee & My Mind's Eye, glassine bag: Studio Calico, frame overlay: Crate Paper, paper & transparent embellishments: Pink Paislee, wood veneers: Studio Calico, alphas: American Crafts, star stencil: Memory Box, teal & black spray: Heidi Swapp Color Shine, date stamp: Staples

Around Here: Easter

This past Easter weekend was lovely, it was one of those weekends that I crave but don't often experience. It was full without being overwhelming. I was surrounded by friends and family and got my fill of snuggles. We ate delicious food made by my Mom & Dad. We told my Mom that this was the best carrot cake she ever made and she laughed because we always say that but we mean it each time. The weather was wonderful. It was beautiful & relaxing and I am grateful! 

Morgan is the sweetest and loved to chat with me. I could just eat her up! Brayden is playing hard to get and I had to force a snuggle out of him. My Dad is back at work and better than new and man is that AMAZING. My Mom is pretty happy to have "normal" back.

I drove away on Sunday and thought to myself how blessed we all are. We got home and the Easter Bunny had left Anna a little something here too. She saw a basket and a hidden egg and exclaimed "The Easter Bunny came to Edmonton too!!". It was pretty much awesome and the perfect end to the weekend.

Welcome Baby Morgan

Gigantic congratulations to my brother Michael and his wife Lyndsey who welcomed a baby girl into the world on Saturday, January 25. Her name is Morgan Brynn and she is perfect. And adorable. And teeny tiny. And I wanted to smuggle her away in my purse. I bought her that giant pink headband and thought I would eat her up she was so darn cute! Anna was very smitten and kept say "She's sooo cute!". Morgan's big brother Brayden is loving her, he did however ask when the boy was coming out. 

Welcome to the world Baby Morgan, you are so very loved!

xo Auntie

Sometimes Life is Hard

On January 6 my Dad had a massive heart attack and was rushed to Edmonton. On January 7 at 7am I answered the most terrifying phone call of my life.  On January 14 my Dad underwent a successful triple bypass surgery. Yesterday he went home.

For the past two weeks our lives have been upside down and shaken to the core. These last two weeks have been full of emotion- from terrified, to joyful, to frustrated, to scared, to angry, to "my face is going to crack from smiling" because I am so happy. I feel shaken. I feel out of sorts.

My Dad is only 59, he is not overweight, he eats right, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink yet here he was laying in the hospital. I could not believe it. This was not suppose to be happening. The doctors said that if he hadn't had all those factors in his corner that he probably wouldn't be here. The thought makes my stomach turn.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I tried my best to not be emotional in front of him but the downside to that is by the time I got home at the end of the day I was a complete mess.

I just had no idea. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

I know I love him but until I was faced with losing him I had no idea how much and how deep that love runs for him & my mom. How grateful I am for him (them). When I hugged him the morning of his surgery I physically couldn't let go. I tried to back away but my body was frozen. I will never forget the feeling.

Waiting is the hardest part. Wondering. Waiting. Worrying. The surgeon came into the room we were waiting in, he shook our hands and told us the news, the surgery went good and they were closing, we could see him soon. I let out a breath that felt like I had taken a thousand pound weight off my chest. Trembling, I shook his hand and thanked him through tears. He squeezed my arm and nodded. I will never forget that moment. That moment of pure joy, relief and exhaustion.

I soon realized that recovery can be equally as terrifying as the actual surgery. All the tubes. All the beeping.  All the unknown.

Thankfully my Dad's recovery in the hospital only had a few hiccups & a few things to sort themselves out. I know that there is a very long road ahead but he his here. He is with us. He is healing. He is strong. He is determined. His heart has new piping. He is as funny as ever. He is amazing.

I am so full of love and hope, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. To his surgeon, Dr. Wong and his team- thank you- those words are not big enough to express my gratitude. To his nurses, especially the ones at the Miseracordia, the Mazankowski ICU and the ones who sorted out the issues in Ward 4- thank you, thank you, thank you. You're all kinds of wonderful!

Having our lives turned upside down has changed me. Has made me look at our lives and think about how easy it is to have it all ripped away in the blink of an eye. For me I will move forward, praying for a smooth ride for my Dad, for the health and well being of myself & my loved ones and for a new appreciation of life & love.

Fall Photos

Thank you for this beautiful life 

and forgive me if I don't love it enough.

We went down to the river valley this past September and took some family photos. When I see these photos they make me so happy. They're not great quality and the colours are too dark but they are perfect to me. It's often hard not to get wrapped up in how I think they're "suppose" to look and just enjoy being there together. I have photos, we're together, we're happy and that is pretty fantastic!

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PS. I want to wish a very dear, beautiful friend

of mine a very wonderful birthday today!

Happy Birthday Gorgeous!

I love you Sweet Naomi!