discovering courage, discovering bravery

Courage

Defined as the ability to confront fear, uncertainty or intimidation.

Moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition,

shame, scandal or discouragement.

Courage is the most important of the virtues,

because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently.

While looking up the definition of courage I also fell in love with this: Bravery is a sub category of courage and involves acting in a way that enhances what one believes to be good in spite of social disapproval and possible backlash. A newer definition of bravery is psychological bravery which involves things such as overcoming one’s own addictive habits & irrational anxieties. Psychological bravery means acting against one’s own natural inclinations and facing fears.

(definitions were found via Wikipedia)

Courage seemed to scream at me when I was considering my word fro 2012. I looked up the definition and thought "How perfect!" I am constantly not doing something because I am intimidated, because I am scared, because I am unsure of myself and my abilities. It's sad and frustrating. It makes me feel down right shitty and that is no way to feel about yourself. I can not count the number of times that I haven't done something because I was scared. Scared of what? Sometimes I can't even answer that question for myself. When I try something new for the first time (which is almost never) I get so anxious that I almost make myself sick. I can remember driving to hot yoga for the first time and sweating buckets before I even got there. I can remember almost turning my car around and going home because I thought I was going to throw up. I go to Spa Lady, I sit in the weight area lifting my weights watching the Zumba classes. I sit there and do the moves in my head but the thought of going in there is too much. I know I'd have fun but it's that first step. That first step that says; I'm just as good as any body else in there. I deserve to be in there.

Don't even get me started on how many things I want to do for work, how many publications that I want to submit to, how many challenges I want to enter! How many projects I want to bring to life to share in classes and here for my blog readers. Sadly, I don't do it. Why? Because there is a voice in the back of my head that whispers- You aren't good enough. You don't have the balls. You don't have what it takes. You're not creative enough. No one will choose your work. Someone else is already doing it. What makes you unique?

It's sad really. I would never let someone I love think those things about themselves so why am I doing it to myself. I am the opposition that I am fighting against. I am so very tired of it.  I vow here that I will work hard at removing those voices from my life. That I will choose to be brave. That I will face these situations with a courageous heart. I will discover what courage can bring to my life. How much happier I will be. I know that it will not be easy & I know that I will have to figure it out in my own way.

Do you have a word for 2012?

Here's to discovering courage friends.

love,

Nadine